Getting back to reading Manga

I usually pick up some manga titles after I finish their anime adaptations since I need to satisfy my curiosity. Recently, I’ve been picking up some romance as well!

Jibaku Shonen Hanako-kun

This series is till ongoing with vol. 13 (see header image) being the latest that just got published last month. I’ve mentioned this series so many times on my Tumblr and I can’t emphasize strong enough how good this series is! It’s supernatural, tragedy, mystery, and comedy combined into one. If you’re wondering why I put tragedy inside the tag … Well, read and see for yourself! Haha.

Chocolate Vampire

I was searching for some more vampire romance (out of nowhere) and stumbled upon this series. I’m actually familiar with some of Kumagai Kyoko’s works and I’m delighted to see that she picked up this kind of genre. To be honest, the storyline and plot are typical (human and vampire relationship) and a bit weak for now. It’s kinda hard to see how the story is going to progress as a lot of factors are still hidden and the world-building is limited. But as with her other works, the romance is there. Sadly, this series only has several chapters translated. I had to buy the original work because I wanted more continuation lol. I guess being able to read some Japanese comes with its downside. (Rip wallet).

Momochi-san Chi no Ayakashi Ouji

I started this series because I liked the art. Haha. It’s a supernatural romance that’s actually pretty well written. It has a total of 16 volumes and it’s already completed. Sadly, the last 3 volumes are not translated, yet. The story follows Momochi, a descendent of a strong family with spiritual powers and her encounter with a human that’s living in a house that she’s supposed to inherit. Characters are all loveable and while the start seemed a bit weak, the plot gradually builds up and it reaches a somewhat happy conclusion.

Other titles

As for non-romance stuff, I’m still following Haikyu!! updates weekly. I feel like the end for that series is coming closer and I’m sad but also excited at the same time to see how the series wrap up! My Sundays are basically filled with excitement just to read an update from this title haha.

Minimal Skincare 2020

I haven’t updated my skincare items for a while, so here I am introducing some old and new items in my routine!

Sioris Milk Cleanser (left) and Klavuu’s Cleansing Oil (right)

I ran out of my old balm cleansers (previously used E Nature and Heimish). So I decided to give some new brands a try.

I originally thought Sioris’ milk cleanser was a second cleanser. But after reading the description and using it, I realized it’s more of first step cleanser where it cleans your make up and grimes haha (it doesn’t foam at all). It actually works as a 2 in 1 cleanser if you don’t use any makeup.

If I were to choose between these two cleansers for makeup cleansing, I would pick Klavuu’s Divine Pearl Cleansing Oil. The consistency is really light and it easily glides over the skin. And it doesn’t make ur skin dry! This oil cleanser made me deviate away from balm cleansers completely.

Laneige Cream Skin Refiner (left) and Canmake Mermaid Skingel UV (right)

For summer, I don’t really use a lot of products as I like to keep it simple. Laneige’s Cream Skin is an all-time favorite and it’s really useful for all seasons. For summer, one or two layers of application is enough and I just seal it up with my trusty Canmake sunscreen. To be honest, I haven’t found any products that top up the hydrating ability of the Cream Skin. I understand why it’s so revolutionary and loved because you can really feel your skin getting hydrated upon application.

Of course, we can’t forget the supplementary products. Melano CC has never failed to get rid of my over-pigmentation from acne. It’s honestly an omnipotent product that will always have a spot on my skincare shelf.

Previously, I’ve been using COSRX’s AHA chemical exfoliator and I decided to try out the Mandelic Acid as it’s gentler. It does’t irritate my skin as much and has been working great to get rid of dead skin cells.

This ends the introduction of my minimized regime. If you notice, I didn’t mention anything about foaming cleansers. That is because I can’t really find the ONE face cleanser that I love, yet. I will surely update the post when I discover one!

Making progress

Although I have not reverted to my normal sleeping and eating schedule, I have been making steady progress on my thesis. I have decided to focus on it and get it done ASAP so that I can shift my attention fully for job hunting. Of course, it’s easier said than done since I start to worry if I’m missing any job opportunities. But it gets me on my feet and it gets me working, so it’s better than nothing.

Today, I got a recruiter reaching out to me, asking if I would be interested to apply to a certain position. I expressed my interest and we talked through the phone but after that, I lost interest. I thought I was desperate enough that I’m willing to do any job in order to stay in Japan, but I guess not.

The job position was that of an IT support (like customer support but for IT?). It pays the minimum wage for fresh graduates (like all other companies in Japan). However, I wasn’t sure if I should jump on this offer and apply to the company as they require interviews in Tokyo instead of remote online interviews. I’m wondering what the HR was thinking about that they’re conducting physical interviews in this situation. It just adds to my suspicions that I wouldn’t like the company.

Is it wrong for me to not grab this opportunity when the job market is so scarce? I want a job, but I don’t want it if it’s something that I wouldn’t like at all … I’m not sure what I am supposed to do. Sigh.

How do you gain motivation?

Maybe it’s because I’m a super pessimist, but I don’t understand how people can stand again after facing so many failures. They always say it’s only over when you give up. But when situations look so bleak and depressing, how do people stay positive and strong?

I’m currently having a hard time picking myself up after facing lots of rejections. Well, I don’t usually face one, but now that I experience it non stop, it’s kinda hard to not lose self-confidence. I hate how fragile I am.

People around me have been telling me to not think too much about my failure and keep moving forward. But I can’t find the strength to do that as of now. Everything I do seems pointless and all the efforts I made seems fruitless.

In the back of my head, I understand what I must be doing. I know what steps I must take to pick myself up. But my mindset of ‘doing this has no meaning’ lingers in my mind, making me unable to take any action.

Aah, I really envy positive people.

Random edit: Fruits Basket S2 Ep. 9 has got to be the most bittersweet episode I’ve ever seen. Poor Kyo. 😥

Experimenting with more art style

I tried doodling more stuff today since I finished one of my job applications. I only realized after all this time that I suck at making details haha. Since I don’t have proper foundation of drawing people and stuff, the more detailed I try to make something, the weirder it gets. So this time I tried to simplify everything and didn’t use any line arts.

This time, I used Japanese kanji to replace the face and ‘describe’ the contents of the bag. The character on the face is 鬱 (utsu) which means depression. The one on the bag is 悩 which symbolizes worries. I wanted the image to convey that each person is carrying their own problems and worries. As both depression and troubles can’t be materialized, I used the characters to express it.

The size of the ‘bag’ or ‘problems’ might seem small or light. But that’s something that other people perceive from the outside. The real weight of it is unknown to anyone else but the carrier.

Well, those stuff aside, I think it’s quite funny how I never intended for the art to end up like this. I guess your own drawings somehow reveals your inner state of mind.

A random long-ass post because I’m in a delirious state and yes, the featured image has nothing to do with the content.

Jibaku Shonen Hanako-kun G Fantasy July Edition

To be honest, I have lost my motivation to keep trying. Constantly staying inside and isolated must have affected my mind without me realizing it. As the job hunting season in Japan is nearing its end, I feel really helpless and the thoughts of “If I don’t get a job that’s okay since it can’t be helped” started to fill my mind more instead of “I need to keep trying till I get something.”

My day starts when I wake up starving at 12 PM. I would randomly cook some instant stuff or reheat leftovers in my fridge for brunch. While eating, I would have Netflix on and before I knew it, it’s 3 PM (because I continued watching even after I finished my meal). I then try to do something productive only to fail because my mind can’t focus on anything. At that point, I gave up on being productive and started just watching random YouTube videos before I realize it’s already dinner time. I would then take a late shower, watch some more videos, and eventually go to bed at 4 or 5 AM.

And the destructive cycle continues.

Also, ever since yesterday, I felt the guilt of not being productive and not trying my best to get a job getting worse. I heard from my dad that businesses aren’t doing well and I start to worry whether his savings will be enough to support the entire family until this whole stupid crisis is over. My guilt just got worse because staying here in Japan takes a lot of money. I’m not getting any scholarships because institutions don’t offer it to last semester students and I’m not doing any part time jobs because there are limited slots and partially because I’m lazy.

My mind started to think of all those negative stuff and I was (and still am) unable to focus on any of the work that needs to be done. I don’t even have classes. The work that I need to finish is 1) get a job, and 2) finish my thesis. But when I try to work on my thesis, my mind gets filled with job hunting. Vice versa.

At one point, I think my mind entered a delirious state that I didn’t even want to get out of bed and live my day. Even my body felt so lethargic that typing or writing takes so much energy out of me. Even thinking of something feels like so much trouble to me.

So today I went to karaoke with 3 of my other friends. I hoped that it would release some stress and that I would be able to refresh my brain in order to complete more job applications afterward. But I guess that damage is too great that I don’t feel much of a change after we were done. It didn’t feel enough.

And now I feel like I’m just typing random sentences that don’t make sense. I don’t know what I’m trying to say through this post. Some people might worry about the state of mind I’m in right now but hopefully, I will recover after getting more sleep lol.

I apologize for this randomness.

I may have to leave Japan?

Today I got an email notification that I have yet failed another job application. This time I failed the application for a retail/sales position for this tech company you guys probably know. The reason why they failed me, though, was rather on the funnier side. Their excuse was “it’s hard for us to provide Visa support for you so…”

Heck, I’m here on a student visa, it’s not hard for me to switch to a working visa if the company is willing to issue a letter or something. I’m pretty sure the whole visa excuse is a lie.

I mean, I would prefer if they say it to my face that my performance in interviews didn’t meet their expectations or something. If they said something as silly as being unable to provide Visa support led them to fail me, then they should just put a label on their job posting saying, “JAPANESE LOCALS ONLY.”

But I bet they won’t do that because it’s “racist”. Ha.

I only have 5 remaining job applications that I need to wait on. If I fail all five then eh … Goodbye Japan.

It’s a great country to live in. But never a great one to work in anyways.

But the next problem would be “how to return home without infecting my whole family.”

I thought it’s still March but it’s already May (random self-reflection)

I’m starting to lose my sense of time by staying cooped up in my room with no school and a proper schedule. My day passes by really seamlessly that I couldn’t tell the difference between yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I do try to keep myself busy and occupied with job hunting applications. But most of the time I just procrastinate and live my life inside Animal Crossing. I realized recently that I’ve invested more than 200 hours into the game and that’s when I realized I’m in deep trouble.

I really should get my life together haha.

I haven’t touched my thesis ever since I completed my survey. I was stuck trying to analyze a bunch of data and I couldn’t progress because I did not know (and I still don’t) how to interpret all these numbers. I could’ve (should’ve, would’ve) contacted my professor to ask for help but I really couldn’t juggle between writing a thesis and doing job hunting. I ended up leaving it untouched until this moment to prioritize the latter.

Little did I realize that time passed by so fast that it’s already 2 months before the actual thesis submission date. Being the procrastinator I am, I’m starting to feel a bit uneasy about the current status of my paper. I decided that I won’t pick up on any new job applications after I submit my last one and start focusing on finishing up my paper ASAP.

Hopefully this time I don’t push it back again.

A little break: random rambles

I haven’t attempted digital art for so long that I almost forgot how to draw. Being occupied with job hunting and thesis writing (which didn’t even progress) really got my hands shackled.

But since the outbreak is getting worse and it doesn’t seem like companies will continue hiring people, I kind of gave up trying so hard. I’m still trying, but not putting 100% effort into everything because I know companies out there are just displaying job openings for the sake of display.

So I decided to pick up my drawing utensils and take a break from all the stressful work. Drawing reminded me how I love art but not exactly being good at it. I realized that I’ve been applying to the same type of companies: those who have an aesthetic for design and somehow still connected to my field of study in university.

Though I failed all of them.

At some point I wondered if I should just apply to fields that I’m not even interested in. But it’s even harder to bring myself to apply to those kind of companies since I have to write “reason for applying” essay each time. And that’s taxing.

While thinking all of those I got reminded of my mom’s little dream to open her own bakery/coffee shop. I thought it’d be great if we could turn that into a reality one day so I started doodling an icon for her ‘future’ shop.

I liked how it turned out. I changed the style a bit since I’ve always wanted to try this kind of art style. Maybe I’ll attempt this kind of style more in the future.

Hakone: Lake Ashi and Mishima Skywalk

I don’t remember if I have visited Hakone in the past with my family, but the scenery looked so nostalgic but new at the same time when I visited with my friends this winter break.

We visited Hakone from Gotenba. We bought a 3-day tourist pass that covers most of the transportation fees like buses, cable cars, and even the ferry. Unfortunately, some of the city trains were under maintenance so we couldn’t experience that. But that’s OK.

The main iconic attraction is the lake where the ferry runs on, Lake Ashi. It brings us close to the red torii gate where you can take pictures if you’re lucky enough. Most of the time, the ferry is always full of passengers and it’s hard to take a good shot. I was unlucky since it was also extra windy that I couldn’t even hold my camera properly without shaking.

Once we landed at the Moto-Hakone pier, we immediately searched for lunch. Mind you that most of the restaurants there have their prices jacked up since it’s a tourist site. The cheapest meal we could get cost us $10 per serving. Mmmm.

From there, we decided to take a walk up to the shrine. It takes 15 minutes by foot from the pier, so it’s not a bad exercise after a meal. However, I underestimated the path there since it’s uphill and there’s a set of stairs you need to climb to get up there. I decided to go up just for the sake of going up since I’m already there. I wouldn’t go up for the second time, though. Lol.

From the shrine, we went down the same staircases, this time all the way down to where the famous torii is located. If you want to take a picture, you would have to line up for hours and our group decided it’s not worth the wait so we just took a random picture from afar.

Mishima Skywalk was our next destination. It takes around half an hour to get there by bus (also covered by the pass). It’s your typical suspension bridge, just longer. They also have zip lines and other entertainments. I’m scared of heights and I hate going fast sooo … no.

The view from the bridge, though, is majestic. My camera and skills can’t do justice. It’s really worth going there once in your lifetime. People who get dizzy and nauseated easily like me should be careful, though, since the bridge is really wobbly with all the people going through. But I would say it’s worth the experience!