The other day, I went to the nearest supermarket to do my weekly groceries. I was passing the coffee aisle and spotted a very cute Starbucks cup. There were two editions, the normal one in white and the Christmas one in red. Being the extreme coffee and cutesy addict I am, seeing the cup instantly triggered me to reach out for it.

I just love the extra details at the back and I bet my mom would want one as well if she saw this! The cup is microwavable (as long as you take off the lid) and is also compatible with dishwasher. This recyclable cup also comes with two packs of origami drip coffee.

Unfortunately, due to my careless mistake, I did not check the packaging beforehand and only realized that the coffee had expired once I got home! It is partially my fault for not checking, but I think the inventory checker needs to get his/her ass together. It’s 2019 already, why would you put something that clearly says 2018 as the expiration date on the shelf? Sigh.

I biked home from the supermarket and was about to turn left on the intersection near my apartment. I saw someone was crossing the road from afar, so I assumed it was green. I checked the lights, too. It was red for the cars and green for crossing, so I proceeded. However, once my bike hit the zebra cross, the lights turned red but I had no choice but to go forward since I’m already on the road. However, this car lurched forward and almost hit my bicycle and me in the process.

Horrifying.

The car braked in time and I couldn’t process what just happened since everything went by so fast. I just pedaled as quickly as I could to get away from the intersection (there were a lot of cars looking at me, too). I wonder why I feel so embarrassed when I’m the victim and almost got into an accident?

So many bad things happened in a day. Sigh.

I haven’t been posting anything ever since my last post because I was so busy during both school and winter vacation. I went somewhere for the first time during winter break since my friends invited me. I spent both Christmas and New Year there, too. There were hardships, of course, but there were times I felt so grateful to have my friends beside me.

To be honest, my Christmas and New Year felt really anticlimactic. Christmas felt like any other day except that my American friends are constantly on phone with their relatives lol. I slept through New Year’s Eve because I was a bit sick. Before I knew it 2019 came.

It felt like 2018 never came to an end.

As usual I don’t really put up a long list of resolutions for a new year but there are some things I would like myself to improve this year:

• Be kinder and stronger
• More patient
• Less selfish
• Hold back on expenses
• Live a healthier life

I knew that my attitude didn’t really change much back from 2017. I tried being more patient and understanding with people but it feels so hard for me to do so. I even threw a fit during the vacation just because some of my friends made a stupid decision (at least in my view). Now that I think about it, I’m acting extremely childish and I should’ve been able to handle that situation in a better way.

I feel that I’m butchering my health more and more each year. I used to cook so frequently but recently, I’ve just been eating out and reaching out for instant food because I’m so busy and lazy. I did try out tennis, and now I’ve started to bike when I do groceries, which is good. But I think I still need to put more effort in it.

And, well … expenses. My bank account just got drained after the vacation since I spent so much on food and transport and souvenirs. I think I am not going home to Indonesia this year so I probably can get a part time job to gain money and experience. Hopefully.

While 2018 has a lot of ups and downs, I hope 2019 will be better than that. I hope that all of us would be able to fulfill those by the end of the year.

I think this might be the first time I’m genuinely excited for Christmas. It’s also the first time I’m going all out in wrapping and picking presents for my friends. Last year, I wouldn’t have even thought of giving someone else a present or even writing a letter to them. Haha. I’m a little happy that at least my circle of friends that I really care about is growing even if it’s just by a little bit. 

I find it hard to pick presents for my friends since all of them are guys, especially since one of them gave me a fountain pen last year, which really surprised me. I mentioned that I’ve always wanted a fountain pen to him randomly when we were browsing the department store a long time ago. But I never expected that he would remember that conversation even to the point of getting the exact same brand of fountain pen I had shown him. 

So yeah, I’m really in a deep pressure lol. I feel like I need to at least return something to him. I’ve been trying to catch hints of what he wants but I couldn’t get any so far… For now, I’m eyeing a keychain of an anime character that he likes. The problem is it won’t get released until the end of December… Sigh. I’m not expecting any gifts but if he does get me one on Christmas, I can’t possibly say, “Oh, sorry, I couldn’t buy you a gift yet because it hasn’t been released!”

This is the gift that I got for another friend (not the fountain pen guy). I originally bought a gift set of this for my mom and bought an extra box to get qualified for free shipping. It turns out that it has a really pleasant smell and it hit me that my friend would love this since he had mentioned that he loves the aroma from the tea ceremony room at the university. I already opened the plastic packaging since it had a price tag then I just rewrapped it in a pretty wrapping paper from the book I bought last time (picture on the header). 

It took me quite some time to finish the wrapping and letter just for one person. The process of doing it was really fun, though. I haven’t really done any arts and craftsy stuff these days so doing it was really nice. I’d like to continue for my two other friends, but for now, I gotta secure proper gifts for them first.

Image from Pexels.com

Two of my guy friends were in tennis club. One has been playing ever since he was small and one just joined 2 weeks ago. I wasn’t interested in joining when they invited me at first because I suck at every kind of sports and tennis seemed pretty hard. But I gave it a try anyway and I was right. I sucked so bad at it.

Aside from not exercising for two years straight, I also used to play badminton in middle and high school. My habits of hitting the ball late, flicking my wrists, not moving so much in the court let to the disaster when I joined the tennis club practice. It felt so much different. The ball was heavy, the racket was heavy, I can’t really on my wrist and had to use my entire body weight to return a ball.

Heck, I can’t even hit it. It doesn’t even touch my racket. Lol.

What’s worse was there were several other new members and they all knew how to play already. So I was kinda stuck in the middle of people who actually knew how to play. And when the ball came to me, I just missed it completely. 

I was instantly demotivated.

I really hated this side of myself. The instant I couldn’t do something, I automatically thought, ‘Ah, I’d never be ever to do this in my whole life,’ when in fact it really took a long time for other people to be able to do the things I can’t do in one try. 

I  just lack the will to try. I get disheartened too quick. I quit too easily.

I really want to continue doing tennis but right now, I just find the reason and willpower to. Maybe it’s just not for me. Haha.

Well, at least I tried.

(Another doodle, yay!)
My holiday is coming to an end soon and the new semester is looming over me. I finished class registration last week and I don’t know what kind of danger I’ve brought myself into by ramming most of the subjects into the first quarter of my semester. But in exchange, I have my second quarter looking quite heavenly considering if I still have any energy left after I finish my first one.

My parents told me not to come back home next holiday because they want me to stay in Japan and get some (if any) working experiences. I’ve personally never worked for a long term and only did one-time jobs given by the university. Compared to my friends, I’m really experience-lacking in almost every aspect. Kinda depressing, ugh.

I know experience is essential for my future but I got used to going back home twice a year so not going back is a little bit daunting for me who has nothing to do in Japan. Plus, going back might be difficult for me after I enter my 4th year because of job hunting or thesis writing so I really wanted to spend time at home when I can. 

Life, why must you do this. 

That aside, I did some online shopping from here and set it so that I could receive the things the day I arrived in Japan. It’s more like an encouragement for me to go back there. Lol. I got myself some books (Hygge and Kawaii Tarot) and the washi tapes I mentioned about in the previous post. I plunged my wallet into danger when I checked the Lush website because they finally have Rose Jam for sale and some Christmas-limited Snow Fairy goodies so I got them too in the smallest size because money.

I still can’t decide what to get for Hobonichi because honestly, it’s so hard to choose one cover. Maybe I’ll even skip the covers for this year and only get the planner? Who knows. Also, I decided not to get the blue Traveler’s Notebook for now and save up for something else. It’s not a limited edition so I could get it whenever I want to. 

But seriously, I still feel dispirited to go back to Japan. I mean, who wants to go back to waking up at 7 in the morning for classes and suffering in the cold and also having to cook for yourself when you’re already so busy with everything. 

That doesn’t sound appealing, does it. 

I’m not that ready for my holiday to end soon. Or my classes to start soon.

I feel like I’m wasting my time doing nothing during my holiday, but then again, it’s my own fault for not doing anything productive. Haha. I spent my time catching up to anime and playing my 2DS. Man, holidays are the best. I even spent hours creating that 2DS banner above without feeling guilty, though it was a pain lol.

Today, my university just released a provisional class timetable for the coming semester, so I felt like I was being pulled back to the reality that classes will start in less than a month. The classes actually look promising this semester. All that’s left is that I have an excellent internet connection to grab those seats two weeks later.

Well, other that, I’ve been listening to some old and new music. Most of them are anime OSTs though.

Most of them are Gintama OP/EDs. I feel so sad that it’s going to end soon. I hate it that all great things must come to an end but I guess it can’t be helped. 😥 I will probably post an update on my anime watchlist soon.

Until then!

I drew a cup of ramen because that was my dinner. Haha. It’s been really long since I drew something. I mean, I drew a lot but I’ve never finished something I started completely. Last time I did that was when I’m still active at deviantART. Not anymore. I quit because I don’t believe that what I draw is good enough lol. Heck, I can’t even bring myself to access my old account anymore. It gives me nightmares.

To be honest, I kinda quit art at one point after I found out my dad didn’t support me to go to an art school. I was just super upset at that time because I feel that I couldn’t pursue what I love. He told me that careers for art school graduates are not that good and that he wants me to focus on something else. At the beginning of my third year in high school, everyone was already applying to the universities they wanted to get in, while I was stuck, not knowing what major I should even pursue. My parents didn’t talk to me about it at all, so I just secretly applied to a local university where my friends are planning to enroll. They had visual communication design but I didn’t apply for that and applied for programming major instead. I took the test, got a 90% scholarship, and then my dad told me to drop that university and apply to a university abroad at the last minute.

Why didn’t I try reasoning with my dad? First, because it’s just impossible to reason with him. Second, I know I suck in both art (compared to my friends) and programming (my maths ain’t that good) so when he told me to apply for business, I just complied. That being said, I hated myself for just giving up that easily. I actually prayed to not get accepted to the university abroad so I could just stay home. But I got accepted, and now here I am, majoring in business in a university in Japan.

I love Japan. I love living here since it’s so convenient and safe. But I don’t know if I feel the same way with my studies right now. I feel lost most of the time because most people here know what they want to do and I don’t. They’re so active in so many organizations while I’m not even in one (even now). Sometimes I feel like I’m in the wrong place, like a fish on land. I don’t really struggle with my studies, but socializing and planning for the future, all those things, I don’t even want to think about it. The number of close friends I have can be counted by hand lol. I get a bit depressed when I think about it and what I do to forget them is gaming, reading, or … drawing (actually I don’t really do it often). All I do is splurge on things, which is why you see a lot of haul posts.

I know hauls only give you momentary ‘happiness’. So now I’m trying to stop myself from buying so many things. I try to keep myself busy with the things I love like manga and art. Currently, I’m doing summaries of raw mangas on Tumblr and I’m trying to regain my sense of creativity by getting back to art. I just purchased an app named Procreate on my iPad pro and that’s what I used to create that cup ramen image lol. It’s far from perfect but I had fun creating it. Getting an art done is satisfying it makes me feel that I accomplished something. I hope I can keep this positive vibe about art and keep it going.

Thank you for reading this long wall of text. ♥